Conundrums

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

Romans 7:15

Do you know Paul’s Romans 7 Conundrum (Romans 7:14—25)? It’s a killer. Cyclic saboteurs. How do we break them?

A Punch List

When my conscience pings—whether through Scripture, the Spirit’s conviction, or an apt wor by another believer—I stop (on my best days). I walk away (if I can). If I’m with others, I might slip to the bathroom for a moment, or silently interact with the Spirit at a dinner table. Or ask him to remind me when I can withdraw to the secret place.

An alarm has gone off and I need to check my spiritual tires, water heater, or air conditioner. Sometimes these are quick and easy transactions. The ping is enough to redirect me. Sometimes a battle ensues.

Resistance is Not Futile

Defeating the conundrum is a practice that takes cultivation—we won’t defeat them on our own, but in cooperation with the Spirit, who is pinging us. Our consciences have been seared by Ordinary World, and they can be deaf to pings.

But if I resist ducking the issue, withdrawing from God in shame, guilt, anger, resentment, or defiance, I begin to unplug my spiritual ears. The ping might be all about God saying, “Hey! We need to talk!” So I stop resisting.

A Conversation

I stop for the conversation—an honest one, maybe starting with, “I blew it, Lord. How did that happen?” Or, “Thanks for catching me.” Or, “I know! I know better and I can’t believe I just did that!” On my best days, I’ll quickly confess and affirm, “I’ll never stop trying to fight that in me.” To which God has replied, “That’s all I ask.” He knows better than me the Romans 7 Conundrum. And he knows the way out.

Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable. Sometimes They’re enlightening. I may feel humbled, sobered, or relieved of a subtle tension in my spirit I’d been ignoring. This can be in a walkie-talkie prayer, a journaling process, or face down on the carpet. Brief or long, I’m soon quiet, listening, reading Scripture for a word, a relevant verse. Asking God for sensitivity to his Spirit. And I feel light.

Confession and repentance over, I resolve and receive absolution: “I will set no vile thing before my eyes” (Psalm 101:3). “I will let no unwholesome word out of my mouth” (Ephesians 4:29). “I will pinch no more paperclips” (Exodus 20:15).

Commitment in place, when a paperclip comes my way, I’m more likely not to pick it up, slip it in my pocket, and think, “Who cares?” I’m more like to refuse the lie, “This is silly, it’s only a paperclip.” I’ve learned how quickly the lies become accusation once I’ve fallen for them: “Thief!”

Hope renews—maybe I can actually live this life Jesus. I won’t lose out on a thing.